The Self-Empowered Artist
I can't believe how nervous I am. I have butterflies in my tummy. I just got off a call with my new art website designer. I'm very excited about getting this launched. I have a really strong feeling about this. I guess it's a good feeling. I guess it's a feeling that revolves around winning. It revolves around being successful. It's not a feeling that I won't succeed. It's a feeling that I absolutely will! And I'm slightly terrified. Why?
It's the strangest thing, when success scares you more than failure. Failure I'm used to. I've spent the last 12 years making art and sticking it in my attic. Yea, I entered a few shows and sold a few pieces for a brief period of time, but for the most part, I'm just creating giant collection of dust collectors. My heart feels tight in my chest. So much feeling. So much unknown. So much excitement, I guess.
But it's also that familiar feeling that I will fail, again. I feel confident in the company that I hired to build the site and they also have a fantastic marketing platform and all the tools that I need to get my artwork noticed. And that is great! That is fabulous! But here is the thing, what if I suck? What if no one likes my art? What if I put it all up there on the website, show it off to the world, and NOBODY wants to buy it? That's terrifying to me. I've just poured out a buttload of money to get this all going, but if I suck, none of that matters. I say I because (I)my art and (I)my self-identity are VERY closely connected at this point.
I don't even feel particularly passionate about the art I have created. I want to do something new, something fresh, something spectacular, but I don't want to compromise my authenticity for the sake of marketability. But I need to succeed. This is my path forward to becoming independent. It is how I become self-sufficient. This is how I become self-empowered, the self-empowered artist. That is what I want to be.
I'm just feeling this horrible tightness in my chest (that's an exaggeration), and well maybe it's just this super blue full moon and all those energies and everything that is just all flooding my auric field right now (that's an over dramatization). I'm just slightly freaking out about everything right now (that about sums it up).
I'm laughing. I'm smiling. And I am going with the flow. That's how I roll but DAMN! I might just have to go run around the yard (that is NOT going to happen), or speed clean the whole house (this can't happen because there won't be anything speedy about cleaning up all the mess that has accumulated from the past few weeks of travel, but that's a bit overstated although things are messy even by my standards, but maybe it is right on point when measured by my grandma's standards.) I'm still smiling, still able to laugh, but a thorough clean up would do wonders. I do like clean.
What am I even going on about here. This is my brain on forward momentum. Maybe you understand. Maybe you can empathize with me. Maybe I can empathize with you.
Whew! Help me Bigfoot!
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| The Angel turned into a Fairy |
Sometimes I really don't like my art! What am I going to do?!!!
Got to go!
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