Mr. Big

 

Daily Discovery Song #2 8/29/23

Mr. Big was all over me this morning.  Energetically, and in my waking dreams, for about 3 hours I would guestimate.  But I sensed that Mr. Big felt small.  He felt nerdy.  He felt unconfident.  He felt confused as to WHY I loved him so much.  He felt like it must be some kind of trick.  But he wanted it.  He wanted to hold hands...until he got scared, then he let go.  He wanted a small kiss, but he didn't want to be hugged, not deeply, honestly, not at all.  He wanted to know everything that I was doing, but he kept disappearing.  He was terribly uncomfortable being seen.  He was terribly uncomfortable being acknowledged.  He was terribly uncomfortable being loved.  

Mr. Big was all over my meditation last night before bed, during our 30-minute chakra alignment. (I think I posted a link to that video on this blog some time ago.)  He was very dominant in his lower chakras.  The root chakra was on FIRE.  The sacral chakra was warm and moving steadily.  The solar plexus chakra was strong and vibrant, he radiated strength.  But the heart chakra was blocked.  All those energies I felt before were not coming through.  Everything was still.  It was silent.  Interestingly, however, when we moved up into the throat chakra, it was as though the energy, the words, the communication was making a path into the heart chakra.  It was a feeling of very loving warmth in the upper heart area.  The third eye and crown were also subtle and somewhat silent yet coming in and being balanced as the tones culminated and the meditation session came to an end.  Honestly, I felt as though his energies helped balance me. 

I woke up exhausted this morning, but underneath it all, what I witnessed, what I understood, was that Mr. Big loves me deeply.  Too deeply.  He doesn't understand it all, there is so much weirdness to transcend.  But he wants to believe it, sort of.  He wants to try, and his higher self is helping him make these heroic efforts.  He wants a future, with the princess and the castle and all of the romantic Prince of Cups fluffy stuff that comes with it, but he's extremely flummoxed as to how.  That was my take on the whole 3-hour adventure we traversed together this morning.  Or maybe it's just my subconscious making up some shit that makes sense to me.  Hmmm...

So, I pulled some cards on it this morning at coffeetime, and here is the story they tell, about what transpired in those morning hours, the exploration and navigation, the dialogs, the energetic weight of his body lingering on top of mine as I woke up.  Just reporting.  Not necessarily suggesting anything.  Straight from the Light Seer's guidebook, my own interpretations retained for the time being:

1. King of Cups: You/The Central Situation (card position) - love, emotional intelligence, patience, experience, stability and balance, creativity, diplomacy, someone supportive, being nurturing, a wise leader.   Message: He softens his gaze and reaches for his singing bowl.  When something unexpected comes into the King of Cup's awareness, something that may shake another person's composure and send them into a state of stress or anger, he regulates his emotional state with his mature practiced energy.  Finding the sweet spot between the empathic heart and intelligent mind is the key to this successful leadership style.  Allow your emotional intelligence to guide you as you seek to marry logic, kindness and love.  Affirmation: My heart holds deep wisdom and love and I use it to connect and lead.

2.  Knight of Swords: How to/ how you are holding the space (card position) - haste, streamlined decision-making, intelligence, wit, determination, saving the day, the pursuit of excellence, ambition, being assertive, success.  Message: This knight has one thing on his mind, and it's running toward his success.  He's determined and passionate, articulate and intelligent, and he has an intensity that is hard to grasp.  With grace and speed of an athlete, he turns on a dime, and since he no doubt has his sound logic, he succeeds.  Affirmation:  I move quickly to help others and, as I do, my dreams expand.

 (Two cards came out for the next position, one in the upright position, the other reversed. This position is a clarifying card for positions 1 & 2.)

3.  Three of Swords:  painful separation, loss, heartbreak, an opportunity to heal, shadows coming to light, finding inspiration again.  Message:  Heartbroken, she falls to her knees and screams to the Universe for a second chance.  Separation can come in many forms.  From the loss of a relationship or identity, to the disintegration of belief, purpose or goals - separation from what we thought we had can mark painful moments in our lives.  Affirmation:  My heart remains tender and open.

 4.  Seven of Swords (reversed):  lying to yourself or to others, a need for perspective and honesty, secrets, something stolen, taking more than your fair share, being held back by impostor syndrome.  Message:  Sometimes we pretend that everything is ok, or that we are doing the best we can even when we are not.  Sometimes this shows up as recklessness or as avoidance of responsibilities.  Take only what's needed, and remember no excuse outweighs your ability to act from a place of love and integrity.  You cannot deceive your own heart, and the Universe will always bear witness to your truest intentions.  For you alone under the light of the full moon, the only thing that matters is the truth.  Move forward with the lightness of conscience to guide you.  Affirmation:  I act from a place of love and morality, and the Universe witnesses my honest intentions.

5.  Eight of Cups: (Action card) -letting go, releasing that which no longer serves you, a ritual releasing, a time to move stuck energy, walking away, leaving your old reality to pursue a new one, abandonment, disappointment.  Message:  She has released her last cup into the sea, and her bowl burning ceremony is over.  Is it time to walk away from something in your life?  Choosing your sacred dream, especially if you are feeling disappointed, is one of the biggest acts of self-love that you can enact.  When you take that very first step, you begin to choose yourself.  There is nothing more healing and powerful.  Find your resolve to untether any anchors that are holding you back.  Affirmation:  I walk away from negativity and I choose myself in a rebellious act of self-love.

6.  Queen of Pentacles: (This is what else you may need to know about the situation) -a healer, a working parent, a self-made person, material wealth and abundance, strength in family and community, a kind and nurturing heart, groundedness, being down-to-earth, generosity.  Message:  This self-made Queen reminds you to step into abundance by shifting any shadows you are holding on to around wealth and security.  You are safe.  Pay attention to your finances to level-up your money game, and give yourself permission to rise into the upper ranks.  This is a positive message of creature comforts and happiness, and this earthly medicine ushers in a life well lived in the material world.  Connect with nature to find calm, healing, and rooted power, and harness the abundance that's available to you by bringing groundedness to your situation.  Affirmation:  I enjoy my deeply connected life and I lead it with an outpouring of warmth, abundance and love.

7-13.  (what's underneath the situation that you may not be aware of) briefly:

7.  Page of Swords: - restless energy, curiosity, a thirst for information, learning new things, an apprentice or student, intellectual pursuits, ideas and reasoning, a messenger.

8.  Two of Wands:  - planning your future, making progress, activation, possibilities, the choice between, your comfort zone and new adventures.

9.  Eight of Swords:  - feeling stuck, a time to open your eyes to unveil the truth, having more options than you thought, an opportunity to let go of an old story.

10.  The Chariot:  - victory, speed and action, determination, harnessing and uniting opposing energies, success, travel, confidence, willpower, control.

11.  Ace of Pentacles:  - the beginning of a new venture or task, new ideas, planting seeds for the future, great potential for success, manifesting power, ambitions, prosperity.

12.  Five of Wands:  - competition, conflict, ambition, challenge, being pushed by others to excel, brainstorming, mental jousting, adrenaline and aggression, surpassing limits, dynamic energy, leveling up.

13.  Page of Cups:  - a dreamer, serendipity, creativity, new unexpected trajectories, magic and synchronicities, an open and joyful heart, sensitivity and naivete in romance, being motivated by innovative ideas. 

So, this is what I do, sometimes all day long.  Today, this is what I do for you.  Take what resonates, leave the rest, that's what they all say.  That's all I can say.  It's all about authenticity.  It's all about living in the truth.  I'm doing my best here to be completely, 100%, totally me, probably to my demise, most certainly to my own freedom and happiness. Would Nietzsche have it any other way?

On that note...here is my daily discovery song #8 from today.  This song gives me hope for whatever the future holds.  I hope it gives you hope too.  And as a side note, I DEFINITELY want to learn this dance!  Still working on it though.  Hope this makes you want to dance too!  Sending Love.