Me or We? Courage.

 This whole blogging thing and YouTube thing, the way I have been doing it anyway, has made me feel a little bit more than self-absorbed.  I'm not used to it, I guess.  I want to call it self-discovery, which is better. Sounds better anyway, in my opinion.

But soul work is inner work, and how the hell else are you supposed to do it without taking a really, really hard look at yourself?  I ask.  How are you supposed to do it without seeming SELF-ish.  It's a conundrum. W.W.N.D.? (What would Nietzsche do?)

I like this channel (Third Eye Drops - see video below), but I am a little bit more than miffy at the way this conversation starts off.  Cryptic, definitely, so as to not upset the YT algorithm. OK.  I do get that.  But I guess that started me off in a cloud of unknowing and it's causing me to fill in the blanks with ideas that they may or may not be putting out there.  Long story short, it's making me agitated.  Me. ME.ME.ME.  Damn it!

Can I not write about an idea without relating it to ME? Would I be a more spiritual person if I was focusing on the greater good of WE?  Not the you and me WE, but that mystical magical collective of souls of humanity, the sacrifice yourself for everyone else, the my way or the highway, tolerant, not loving, not inclusive greater GOOD?  Is this even what they are talking about?  How am I supposed to feel?  I. I,I,I. Damn it again!  

(209) Soul Sickness, Meaning-Making and The Shadow with Alex Ebert - YouTube

Ok. So, I took a breath. I fed the goats.  I took a break.  I listened to some more and I find it an intriguing and inspiring conversation.  I love the way they look at creativity and vulnerability and I relate!  Mercurial...I had to look it up.  Oops!  Know thyself.  Ok.

This whole spiritual journey is such an unknown path for me.  The moment you think you know, you realize that you don't know, you know?  I'm at this plateau point now, it seems.  They speak about this roughly 33 minutes in.  I was having a similar conversation this morning, trying to explain myself, met with some resistance I might add.  But I feel, there I go again...I feel like this is where I am.  I may have some gifts of synchronicities and good fortunes falling upon me now, but the spiritual highs I have experienced in the past elude me.  Something is missing.  Something is so close but just out of reach.  I am not reaching it.  Am I even trying?

Every spiritual high I have experienced in the past, always becomes the past, and even though I may take new skills, abilities, sensitivities with me, they all become normalized.  I feel like they are absolutely normal.  I am just normal. My day-to-day moments are so normal.  So, I'm normal...but I don't belong. I don't belong to that collective.  I don't belong to that greater group.  There is a name for this phenomenon, the normalization of peak experiences, I don't remember what it is.  There is a name for this phenomena, being one that does not belong to the group, it's called an aberration, eccentric, bohemian, iconoclast, heretic, outlier...outcast.  It's called original.

Creation.  That is what this blog and my videos are about.  The act of creation.  Because I am a creative.  I am an artist?  UGH.  I still shrink when I say that.  I am a creative being.  I am a creator.  A maker?  OK.  I can say that.

So, I would highly encourage you to listen to this interview if you have the time.  My quick wrap up, because I have a lot of stuff to get done today, and my takeaway from this conversation, in the event that my opinion matters, is that EVERYBODY IS SCARED TO PUT THEIR STUFF OUT THERE.  Even ME.  Especially me.  

But within this liminal chrysalis, through this sacred courageous creative exercise of change, I learn to find joy, I learn to experience love, I learn to have compassion, not just for others, but for my SELF.  It is healing.  It's cathartic.  It is real. 

It moves through me. I am honest. I am original. I am REAL.