The Worthiness Wound

 I have really, for the most part, quit drinking.  I just feel so crappy after doing it, the drinking, it just makes my body feel bad.  So instead, as a replacement, I self-soothe by watching YouTube videos, and recently I have come back to making myself feel better by writing. And by making my own videos, but my laptop and my cloud is running out of storage, and I am getting pretty tired of doing the dance of making room, so for now, I write.

I also sit in the sun, I work in my garden while listening to podcasts, music or singing bowls, and I watch the stars and spaceships in the night sky.  Anything that can place me in the present moment, I try, if I can find the patience, if I let my mind be there.  I try, and for a moment, in those moments, I do find peace.  Even through the work, I find rest.

I'm interested in trying other means of feeling better. I know I need something. I'm specifically looking for ways to feel more energized.  I have wanted to do yoga again for months now, but I'm not.  Ask me why?  I can't tell you except that I am in avoidance mode of doing so many things that are good for me.  And I'm tired.  It's the catch 22. For the record, meditation is work.  It's the hardest work.  And I confess, it's the work I am avoiding the most.  

When we were in Washington at ECETI Ranch, we had some morning sessions of Qigong.  I enjoyed participating and we had a few different guys leading us, each with their own style. One young man, Keenan, from California, had his own studio back home.  He really gave us a taste of where qigong can take you.  But there was something much more going on.  The Universe has a very good sense of humor.  Life is always giving us what we need. More on that story later...maybe.

Today I get the dance!  Yes!  That's the energy I love the most, if I can just get off my ass and start.  Dancing gets my chi moving, gets it going.  I go.  I let go. I feel the energy.  I feel alive!  I do!  Just 3 minutes. Whew!

 The rest is gibberish.  Or maybe you want to call it a poem.  It's what I want to write about, what resonates, what I feel, but I can't find all of the words to put in place right now.  The rest is for you.

The Worthiness Wound

Looking into the abyss of our own triggers.  Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wound of shame, not being good enough. Find our joy, find our light.  Trust that there is a divine plan. 

Energy vampires...takers. abandonment, attachment issues. Money, value, self-worth. 

self-confidence, self-actualization. 

Jonna Jinton, YouTube...4million followers. Why me?  No one wants to see me.  Keenan..."you see me."  JS. mini.  

I want to run. jog. quit running away.

 for

healing. 

celebration

love...ace/10 of cups

victory, overcoming when we are aligned.

Sharp clear, non-emotional awareness...how far down the road have you become self-love, awareness.  Animals...5D...? my goats?  maybe they are here to help ME ascend...not the other way around like I thought.  I just need to listen to them.

Moving into the 5D energy...not going somewhere else...energy vampires can't hang in 5D.

worthiness wound.  running away...dance of resistance...love, self-love...what?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.