Galactic Gratitude
For over 2 decades now, I've had this very strong notion of soulmates, you know, someone that you can chill with, can say anything to, someone that totally gets you. Someone you feel like you've known forever from the moment you meet. Someone you never forget, who you can pick up with where you left off every time you meet again. I've been blessed in my life to have more than a handful of soulmates in this lifetime. This past week at the Inner Galactic retreat at ECETI Ranch, I met a few more. I am supremely grateful.
In the early 1990's I was a young maiden, searching for someone to love. I found someone but he didn't love me, so I found someone else. That's the way it's done, right? I had a baby. I had a life. I was ok. For 15 years I lived my life.
Back in the early 2000's, I was introduced to the idea of a special soulmate, an advanced soulmate so to speak. A soulmate that is a reflection of your own soul, a mirror, an impetus to profound healing, a catapult to deep clearing. A conduit to a perfect energy signature, your/my own energy signature, an exact match, the other half of the whole, your/my Twin Flame. I divorced. I thought I'd found my twin flame. He went to prison. Guess that wasn't him. I ran into the one I loved...again. He didn't love me, so I found someone else. That's the way it's done, right? I got married, again. I had a new, blended family. I had a life. I was fine. For 17 years I lived my life.
But something happened. Where it came from, I don't know. What the purpose is, I'm still trying to figure out. The notion popped into my head that the one I loved, the first one I loved, was really my Twin Flame. I believed that notion. I was convicted by that thought and for 2 years now, I have been chasing this twin flame...who I think it is...my first love, my true love, the other half of my soul.
That happens in these relationships "they" say. The runner and the chaser, classic twin flame behavior. I chase. He runs. I bear my soul. He hides. I love him, he doesn't love me...or does he? There's the hook.
How can this be? I haven't seen him, I haven't spoken to him, I haven't texted or called or messaged him on Facebook or any other social media platform. To be fair, I did "find" his address and write a long letter to clear the air and bring some closure for myself, since the last time I "left" him I never even said goodbye. Not that I ever thought he needed a goodbye. Not that I ever thought he cared.
And then I stumbled upon his blog. I loved to see what he was writing. One of the things I always appreciated most about him was his mind. So, I wrote to him there. Online. I wrote countless letters to him through his blog comment section over the course of a year. Maybe he answered me back in his blog posts, maybe he didn't. I never could really be sure. But one thing I do know...he never wrote back to me. Not an email, a text or anything. He just never did, yet in some weird way, writing to him filled my heart with pleasure. Bearing my soul to him brought me so much joy. There's the other hook.
But all this letter writing, while creative and cathartic, while it brought me so much happiness, it did not bring closure to my soul, it just opened a metaphysical can of worms, and here I am, today, my heart telling me one thing, and the world shouting at me that I am wrong and him...well, as per usual, he is not saying a thing.
And the most amazing thing happened when I saw Mt. Adams. I realized I had seen this mountain scene before, in a spiritual guidance session about a year ago. The guidance session was to help me process all the sensations I was having in regard to this twin flame connection, which was very psychically and metaphysically active within my being even if I was not receiving "real" communication in the 3D world. And my session warned me that my twin had lots of work and healing to do, and although it was supposed to be him revealed at the base of this mountain to make the Ascension with me, another name came out, the name of the person who has actually committed to making a life with me, the one who came with me on this retreat, the one who has been faithful to me ever since I left "the one" to paint his house alone.
He is the real one who has stayed by my side, for better or for worse, for sure. The one who fauns over me and feeds me and praises me and adores me. The one who tells me he's my twin flame. The one they connected my heart chakra with during the crystal bowl healing ceremony this week (unbeknownst to me) because they believe we are the perfect couple, that it just felt right that he and I should be connected in this way. The one who had a twin crystal chose him, just as I had a twin crystal chose me during our activation ceremony on the final evening of the retreat. The one I keep denying and denying and denying because I am waiting for "the one". Because I don't feel him in my soul the way I feel "the one". The one who truly is soaring to great metaphysical and galactic heights. The one who can see beyond and hear (who heard the voice that said I would meet him, the night I ran away from "the one"). The one who listened. The one who said yes. The one who says yes. The one who says he loves me. The one who says he loves me over and over and over and over and over again.
So, here I go...again, shutting down the feelings of my heart and using my logical brain, because I took a risk, and it didn't pan out. Because I am not a ninny, and I can't wait forever. Because I would be an idiot to refuse someone who loves me in the hopes of waiting for "the one" to realize that he loves me too. Waiting for "the one" to say he loves me. Waiting for "the one" to show up and show me that he loves me.
But, ironically, even though the magical twin flame union didn't come about...I still had amazing healing, amazing heart transformation and amazing growth. My twin flame did what he is in my life to do (and I do still believe he is my true twin flame - if such things exist, and I do believe they do). He helped me become a better me. And I, I hope and pray that he too was able to become a better version of himself. I hope he is being brave. I hope he is journeying through the darkness towards the light. I hope he too is healing, because we all need it.
I hope he knows that he is not alone, that he will never be alone because of the energy that connects us. I hope he knows that he is loved, because I do believe that's all any of us really want, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. I hope he has embraced the ability to love himself, what we all need, the most amazing feat of all.
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