Save Yourself

I just got home from my counseling appointment.  Some things are becoming clearer and clearer to me.  Some things are still as confusing as ever, but I am gaining clarity and I am gaining strength.  Each day that passes helps me in some way.

There have been so many twists and turns on my journey to self and authenticity these past years.  All of it seems to be coming up for review.  I definitely have the power to make the choices that I need in order to preserve my integrity.  I can and must do what I need to do to "save myself".  

No one else is coming to rescue me.  Not Jesus, not Archangel Michael, nor a Pleiadian demigod.  Things are pressing in and moving up and I have some big decisions to make.  I know I'm not the only person going through this.  I know I am not alone.

The illusion spreads so far that sometimes I just don't know what the truth is.  To everyone else, to all we come into contact with, we are the golden couple, we are divinely united, We Are.  Except we aren't.  To me it feels like a lie.  And I don't know what to trust.  I know there is truth in there somewhere, but I can't see it clearly and what I feel, I feel unable to speak, fully.

Time and time again I try to advocate for myself.  It's the cycle.  Round and round.  I am.  Or am I?  Does anything I say or do really matter?  I definitely don't present as the authority.  I am useful, but I don't have the final final, unless I grab it, then I feel good, until the slippery words or blankness or coldness gets in.  Then I feel gross.  

I'm on Day 4 of my water fast today and things are getting a little spacey.  Standing up iz dizzying.  My skin is buzzing.  I feel more bliss than tired, but it's almost paralyzing.  I definitely just want to kick back and relax.  I'm happy that I made it through my appointment this morning.  I even made it to the store to pick up some broth and juice to break my fast tomorrow.

I'm definitely clearing things within me.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  It has not been a super spiritual trip, probably because that kind of experience should remain more private and I feel compelled to write about this journey here and now.  

Or maybe it's because the writer of the fasting book feels like what I AM experiencing is super spiritual.  It is certainly a beautiful start, and I encourage it for everyone, but I can live in that state regularly if I want.  It's not to say that I am not benefitting from the fasting.  I definitely believe that I am, in multiple ways.

I'm getting more opportunities to heal past wounds, clear past karma and step into my power.  I am getting the opportunity to really set myself free... again.  This is another merry-go-round to get off of.  It's another pattern that MUST end.  I am ready to live in LOVE again, if only with myself.

These videos and my words are not parroting, they are synchronicities. They are guidance from the universe, but they will not save me.  They will not rescue me.  I must rescue myself.  And there is no "trying".  That's right Yoda.  There is just me doing it as beautiful or as messy as it may or may not be.  It is being done.  I am sweating bullets right now.  Not from fear, but from whatever this water fasting is doing to me today.  Detoxing baby!!!

So, I will get myself cooled off and leave you with these few things...

1# - A meditation to clear old programming and to bring new blessings.  I will probably be doing it again today along with the higher light decree meditation that I posted a couple of days ago.  Maybe you can join me in the astral place.

2# - My first playlist song today... reminding us all to save ourselves.

3# - And my final song of today's list... just for fun.  Because the world can always use a little more fun!  That's my mission and I am "saving myself" for it!  You can too!

Now I am off to rest and watch a documentary on one of my favorite icons, Martha Stewart, flawed but fabulous, who has saved my soul so many times along my road of self discovery.  This is me on the road to saving myself.  Super spiritual mission, remembering me and breaking free!