Sunshine Cleaning

It's a cloudy day here in North Carolina, and rainy too.  My friend, the radiant, beautiful sunshine begs to be seen today, but can't.  Not yet anyway.  A few hours, definitely another day, he'll be back and all will be right with the world.  Warmth and light.  Love.  Yes, this is my sun.  

I'm supposed to be writing about the solar plexus today, hence my catapulting straight into the "fire".  Hence my "illuminating" thoughts and references to the sun.  (That's supposed to be a little punny, funny, sunny...you know, like "when you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine." :) 

But like I just said, it's not shining here, and I don't know if this post will end up being about the solar plexus or some other euphemistic elegy for the light I am seeking.  No worries though.  However it turns out is fine.  We'll see where it goes.  Ok.  Let's go...to the movies.

Today when I think of sunshine, I am reminded of a movie I came to love back in my Texas days, I think it came out in 2008, Sunshine Cleaning.  I loved that movie.  I'm not sure what it was, but that movie gave me so much hope then, and I've just rewatched the trailer for the movie and even now I feel so very strangely connected to it.  It resonates.  I resonate with Amy Adam's broken-down character, rising up and making the life that she wants, a life that she finally believes she deserves. 

Not that I want to go out and start cleaning up crime scenes, mind you.  Heck NO.  That is absolutely the last thing my sensitive little soul wants.  Me, I am making Art.  I am making Love.  I am making Life.  I am making movies baby.  That's my hope.  That's my sunshine.  

I've been working long hours on my upcoming mini documentary, My 33 Goats.  My movie making journey is taking me to some unexpected places in my psyche that I have apparently not yet healed.  It's very dramatic, for me.  It's forcing me to come to terms with the life I have lived.  To embrace it for all of its aspirations, all of its simplicity and all of its sadness.  

Granted, there was a lot of happiness in the pictures, the videos and the memories of this period of my life.  Remembering that happiness as I was working on my documentary made me cry.  But underneath all the smiles, underneath the shiny patina, I remember my incessant fight to overcome the mundane.  I remember my fragile sense of self-worth and I remember my struggle to find some kind of meaning in being just a housewife and mom.  It drove me.  It consumed me.  It ate me up.  I see that now.

But I woke up this morning realizing, that like a diamond being formed, I am forged under pressure.  In the face of obstacles, I can choose to become strong, and I did.  For the past ten years I have been doing it incrementally and not only doing it consistently but doing it fiercely.  I have been doing it intentionally.  I have been realigning not only my solar plexus, but my root and my throat and my heart chakra too.  I have been reclaiming my power.  I have been learning how to speak my truth.  I am learning that I am capable.  I am learning that I am safe.  I am learning that I am loved.

According to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus (according to some internet guy's essay on him), we must "overcome the chaotic and divergent nature of the world and believe instead that the world exists as a coherent system in which change in one direction is ultimately balanced by a corresponding change in another."  (Not that I read Heraclitus on a daily basis, but I was looking up a "sun" quote and I stumbled upon this and well...here we are.)

For the past five of the past ten years there has been a consistent, persistent feeling and an actual witnessing of the chaos of a world, my world, falling apart.  I can see it in my photographs.  I can observe it in my videos.  I can see and feel an actual shift in the timelines.  This is when everything started falling apart.  This is when the end began.  

Heraclitus also said that "between all things there is a hidden connection so that those that are apparently "tending apart" are actually being brought together.  Five years.  Ten years.  That feels like a pretty long time.  It's time to let some stuff go.  Time to move forward.  Time to move on.  What has fallen apart is gone.  The essence of life, the essence of me that remains can now be transformed, transmuted, brought into a new existence, a new way, together with the Life that awaits me.  Beautiful, remember?

What is the solar plexus known for anyway?  Let me tell you what I understand.  The solar plexus chakra, also known as the Manipura chakra, is associated with personal power and will.  Intellectual abilities and the ability to establish ideas and plans into reality are also ruled by this energy center.  At the higher level, the solar plexus conveys wisdom.

What did I just say about the way that I have spent the past ten years of my life?  Working vigilantly to heal my solar plexus and reclaim my power.  It has been quite a fight, but now it is my time to claim my rewards.  I have earned the right to possess actual momentum to move forward and realize my personal desires and intentions in this world.  

It is time for me to put away my preoccupations with social status and self-image and to feed myself and my directions in life so that I may take right actions in order to reach my goals.  It is time for me to feel my own power.  It is time for me to be strong.  Time for me to shine not with my ego, but with my higher self.  With God. 

They say that a person with a balanced solar plexus chakra walks with a certain humble assuredness in themselves.  They are the wise listeners rather than the loud talkers in a crowd.  Thay are in tune with their goals, passions and personal power.  So may it be.

They do not spend time gossiping, putting others down or questioning their personal actions.  They have the ability to say no to negative energy as well as the ability to reverse negative thought patterns that might hold them back from their true potential.  Yes, please.

You can open your solar plexus chakra on your own terms (in solo practice, even if it takes 10 years) or with the help of an experienced energy healer, light worker or a qualified spiritual counselor or guide.

The exact benefits of healing the solar plexus chakra will depend upon your personal healing journey and where you are in the process.  Regardless of your starting point, through doing the inner work, you will be able to feel the releasing of negative energy.  This can feel overwhelming at first, but be gentle, give yourself some time.  Ultimately it will be very relieving.

Some positive affirmations you might want to adopt to help open your solar plexus chakra are:

1. I listen to my inner intuition at all times

2. I honor what my body needs and am open to receiving its messages

3. I release past wounds that have hurt my self-confidence 

4. I forgive mistakes made while self-abandoning

5. I love and accept my inner voice and value my own opinions

6. I am valid in my feelings and will honor what they need from me

Keep in mind that energy work is tiring before it is rejuvenating.  Go easy on yourself and treat each session of working with things like crystals, yoga poses and aromatherapy with respect.  Drink lots of pure water and rest and move your body as needed after your sessions.  Be gentle with any emotions and negative energy that may become unstuck during this process.

Remember, you are amazing.  Embarking on this self-actualization and self-love healing journey takes courage and progress takes patience.  However, take heart, time is speeding up.  It will all be here soon.

Now it's time for me to get back to some editing (documentary to be released in March).  So again, and to bring this back around and wrap things up for today, according to Heraclitus, "The Sun is new each day."  Even when we don't see it, when it's behind those dreary clouds like it is here today, it's still there.  It's still shining on you, for you and sending you incredible healing energy and love.