Hello 2024!

Do you ever feel like you're late to the game?  Oddly enough, I frequently find myself feeling this way.  Or maybe not so oddly, just enough.  Playing catch up.  Trying to do too much.  Taking on too much.  Trying to BE too much.  Welcome to a new year with Ronda.  Welcome 2024. 

I'm running behind as usual, but the new year showed up anyway whether I was ready for it or not.  Thanks, Father Time, for your faithfulness.  I guess once again, a favored mantra for my new year will need to be “better late than never”. So, hello 2024. I'm glad I made it. I’m glad I’m here.

And since I'm here, I have some big plans to make it a good one.  A REALLY good one if I have much to say about it, and strangely enough, I feel like I do have a lot to say. (Does that surprise anyone here?) Hang on, here we go.

This fight in me just won’t quit.  I feel like there is something here, on this planet, that I am here to do, but I just can’t quite figure it out.  It’s nagging at me.  I keep getting ideas and inspirations - aha moments - that just end up at another seemingly dead end, deep end? wall.  

To traverse it, it seems as if I can’t just simply move forward, I can't seem to get over it.  It feels like I have to go off the cliff.  Yes, it feels like I have to go off that proverbial deep end, and I am, what?  Scared?  Overwhelmed?  Feeling inadequate? 

Well, maybe.  Whatever it is, I don’t feel ready.  Planning, preparing, making lists, to do, to do, to do.  I get LOTS of plans, LOTS of ideas, but I don’t ever REALLY take that step off into a new beginning.  It’s just the three step forward, two step back dance that moves me along, but I’m not exactly sure where it is going.  That is what I am trying to figure out. And I AM.

And I desperately want to help people.  But I feel like a hermit. I don’t really want to be around people, much...there’s the proverbial rub.  How does one do that? Help people without really being around them? Not that I don't love them and appreciate them...it's an energy thing. 

Well, I’m trying to, I’m hoping to do it through my writing, this blog, through my website, my art, and through my YouTube channel, and I have another little melting pot of ideas and expressions and stories that I just can’t seem to figure out how to get to all fit together in a neat little understandable package that seems like a BRAND.

But here is the truth. I am not a BRAND. And I hate marketing.  I hate selling.  I am me.  I am Ronda.  I realize and I sense that I risk losing my authenticity when I spend so much time trying to figure out what people want to purchase.  I risk losing my unique expression of my eclectic self, the fullness of who I really truly think I am, if I try to narrow it all down into ONE path, one direction, one BRAND.  I risk losing ALL that is ME.  Is that what I am really so afraid of?  I’m not sure. Shadow work is lurking behind every turn.

So, I continue writing and making art and making videos that seem all over the place, but that light up the creative spark inside of me.  I am all over the place, except when I’m not...like maybe I really am scattered throughout the multi-verse, but I am in the process of integrating and uniting all of my unique soul signatures, and this is just the tip of the iceberg of discovering who I really am and who I am becoming and where we are going...what I am here to do. 

And in the end, I believe, it all goes back to the idea of coming back to Source anyway.  Call it God if that makes you feel better, call it a breakdancer named Darryl, whatever.  It’s the creative energy, it’s my real home, and I am here on this little blue planet, just trying to get reunited with that something that I feel and I have this big idea of trying to help other people find their way home, by being myself and by helping them discover, uncover and connect with their creative Self, by helping them find their spark, by helping them remember and reconnect with themselves, their Source.

Ergo, here I am, a lover and a fighter...not a quitter.  This pull inside of me just won’t go away.  I cannot ignore it.  It will not leave me alone.  So, I regroup, and rethink, and replan and I put myself out there again. 

Please feel free to come along with me if you are ready for a wild ride.  Invite your friends, bring along your enemies too if it will heal things and bring about love.  All are welcome and all are necessary, but ultimately, ALL are always free to choose.  So do as you will, let others do as they will.  Any way around it, KNOW, you are not alone.  We are not alone.  You are loved.  We are loved.  Let’s do this.