Time Will Tell

Since setting out on my August Adventure, I have completed a few important Blog posts, but I have at least five posts that I've previously started, that at the time seemed equally, if not more important than the posts that garnered my attention and got finished.  A handful got published.  But I have all these posts just sitting, staring at me, with catchy titles and maybe a fleeting, inspiring, equally catchy thought, yet little resonance or remembrance on my part as to where I wanted to go with them and why they seemed so important to me in the first place.  So, there they sit.  I might get back to them someday, but I might not.  Time will tell.

That's an interesting phrase, and that IS an interesting reminder, an interesting remembrance for me, "time will tell." I hear a seagull calling and it just makes me think, "yes, that's right."

By the sound of the gull, I'm reminded of a professor I had in college, who seemed somewhat enamored with Chekhov.  I remember studying the play and going to see The Seagull, by Anton Chekhov, which may or may not have been directed by that professor, at the college where he taught and where I learned.  My exploration and passion for the world was just beginning back then.

I'm on the shores of Lake Michigan today, having another go of exploring the world around me. I'm keeping myself busy in Ludington, Michigan while some other family members fish for salmon on the great lake.  I discovered a Sculpture Trail at a waterfront park in downtown Ludington.  I explored the Skyline Trail Dune Climb at Ludington State Park Beach, and I didn't get busted by the DNR for not having a park passport as foreboding signs at the entry warned I must.

I felt the waves of Lake Michigan, barely, and escaped the shoreline without being eaten alive by biting flies, barely.  I was greeted to the park by a flock of wild turkeys passing by on the trail.  I saw butterflies and dragonflies and was given a farewell flyover by a great blue heron.  I was gifted a white feather and a picture of me overlooking the park by some kind passerby who obviously felt pity on me for having to get a selfie of the magical moment.  I was actually trying to get some good content for a new YouTube video but had to cut it short because someone (the helpful lady) was coming my way.

And all of this adventure was AFTER a morning quest for good cup of coffee, which was harder than it sounds in Ludington, and which didn't go so well.  After a couple of failed attempts, I did manage to get a decent cup at The Trailhead Cafe, who admittedly said they just sold plain old coffee and that there were fancy coffee shops around town to which I replied, "I tried one of them and I didn't like the coffee at all." It's still sitting in my car cupholder, fancied up with cinnamon and chocolate powder and a splash of cream to try to make it ingestible.  Did I mention that it's still sitting in my car cupholder.

So, the coffee at The Trailhead Cafe was great, in comparison, and I got directions to the portion of the State Park that is still open.  The rest, it seems, was closed on September 3 for renovations which would last until July of 2025.  I was grateful, supremely grateful, for a beautiful, peaceful albeit kind of crowded place to get out in nature for the day on the skywalk that overlooked the sand dunes surrounding the shores of Lake Michigan.

I've returned to my car and made my way to the marina to meet up with my family that has been out on the fishing charter all morning.  I'm sitting and reflecting and trying to cobble together a decent post.  I just keep thinking about, "time will tell."  I just keep remembering, "yes, that's right."  I'm intrigued by the seagull and my memories, and I do a quick google search to refresh my memory on the play I studied so many years ago.  One thing strikes me.  An excerpt from the play...

Trigorin sees the gull that Konstantin has shot and muses on how he could use it as a subject for a short story: "The plot for the short story: a young girl lives all her life on the shore of a lake. She loves the lake, like a gull, and she's happy and free, like a gull. But a man arrives by chance, and when he sees her, he destroys her, out of sheer boredom. Like this gull."

Have I just been a little Nina all my life?  I certainly wonder at times.  If so, I am slowly and surely overcoming that role.  I find myself surrounded by love bombers and gas lighters and breadcrumbers and I say to myself, finally, "I have had enough.  Time for this little bird to fly away."

Beauty comes in so many shapes and sizes.  It comes in so many forms.  So does Nature.  So does Art.  So does Humanity.  I embrace it all.  I can use it all, to grow, to heal, to transcend.  And I will.  My journey into my inner wilderness continues as I plan more and more road trips to places near to North Carolina and places farther away.

I am becoming comfortable, almost comforted in the unknowing, of where this journey is going and where my travels are taking me.  The freedom I felt of being on the road, waking to everyday as a tabula rasa was empowering.  The liberation I am experiencing as I set and enforce personal boundaries on the road and off the trail is life changing.  Through practice and repetition and intention and making choices, my brain is reshaping and strengthening.  I am reshaping and strengthening.  I am becoming brave.

If I ever was Nina, I am not now.  No man can destroy me.  And I don't say that in a way of being a self-identified feminist or anything.  I am Ronda.  My name means rose or flower, but to me it means strength.  I am for strong souls.  Powerful souls.  Limitless souls.  I am, after all, a Leo, don't you know.  I'm not quitting anything and I'm not giving up.  I'm not even really rehashing all of that part of my journey.  I'm writing a new post.  I'm posting a new YouTube video.  I'm making new art.

I'm just moving forward.  I'm just pushing through.  Still not for certain where I am going, but totally ok with that.  And how it all turns out?  Well, time will tell.  Yes, that's true.

Just the song I woke up singing today! :)