Dreaming and Drifting

"To wander is to leave behind the complications of living.  You can forget the person you are supposed to be for a time and become who you truly are- unhindered by duties, obligations, and nagging thoughts.  To wander is to access your true self." 

 - Keri Smith, The Wander Society(2016)

My August Adventure might be over, but Life is reminding me that, like the song says, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end".  There is SO much left to explore.  My dreams are not dead, and I am actually excited to see what comes next.  

I apologize for any bad vibes I might have been putting out there in my last post.  It seems to me like I was just coming down from a metaphorical mountain with no new place to go.  I didn't know how to reintegrate properly, or at least I didn't take the time to do it.  I just came back to my home base away from my home base and crashed.  I'd like to say...I'm sorry.  

Sometimes I am wrong.  Can I say that?  Is it ok?  I don't feel less than for admitting it, but I do have a twinge of wishing, sometimes, I would measure my words a little bit more closely before I throw them out to the world.  Words have consequences.  I have been known to make some snap decisions.  Some things you just can't take back.  Some actions can never be undone.  There are no appropriate apologies.  There are no second chances. 

But not every word is that critical.  Not every action needs to be undone.  And I wonder, is my need to apologize just coming from old programming?  Is that just me wanting to hide?  I remember my quest for authenticity.  It's been a theme throughout this blog for at least the past two years, and probably, in some unspoken way, from the beginning.  I want to be brave.  I want to be spontaneous.  I want to be real. 

And in truth, my filter has been on overdrive since I was a young child.  I barely even knew what I really believed, let alone how to have the courage to speak my truth.  I was often described as being very measured, even dare I say, shy.  And lacking confidence, despite the abilities that others saw in me that I had a hard time seeing in myself.  But this blog is an exercise in helping me see the real me...and learning to love her.

I know I have always been a dreamer; I'll own that.  And a romantic, in the way that I think I want to live a fairy tale life, but just the happy stuff.  And a creative.  Ergo, my life is my greatest work of art, if I remember to paint it.  And I don't think I'm alone.  Hence the new fall lineup on The Hallmark Movie Channel.  I watched one about Niagra Falls tonight which was very cute and it resonated with me on many levels, especially the theme of overcoming fear.

I just want to say that I am wrong about people not appreciating who I am.  Maybe I did not represent myself conservatively enough to get noticed for some jobs that I applied for a couple of weeks ago, but my journey to Acadia has made a considerable impact of several people that I have crossed paths with in the past week.  Yes, there are those who think I am crazy, those who think I am a bad ass and those who think I am brave.  Very, very brave.  Probably pretty much all the same things.  And I find that it makes me feel SO GOOD that I inspired them in whatever way, big or small.  And it makes me realize that what I am doing is important.  My wandering throughout this country is significant.  My life, just exactly how I am living it is meaningful.

I am brave.  And I am adventurous.  I am joyful and grateful, and I am an inspiration to more than just my mother.  Although it warms my heart greatly to see my bravery inspiring her as well.  I hope I inspire you too.  That would truly warm my heart.  If ever you are so inspired, please leave a comment and let me know.  

I had a dream last night about driving in my car.  I'm not sure where I was headed, but it was dark, maybe night.  Most of my dreams are in the dark.  There were dogs in the car with me.  A black one and a white one.  And I think you might have been there too.  In the back seat.  You were sitting behind me so I couldn't see you.  But I felt your presence.  You were not happy.  You were not sad.  You just were.  But you were there.

I stopped the car and went to walk the black dog, but you had other plans.  Kindly, quietly, you took his leash and ambled into the tall grass, black dog by your side.  Speechless, I watched you drift away.  

I woke up.  What did that mean?  Anything?  Here are some ideas...

Key Takeaways:

• Protection and Guidance: Black dogs often symbolize protection, guiding you through spiritual challenges with courage and strength.
• Shadow Work: They invite you to embrace and transform your shadow self, fostering personal growth through humility and compassion.
• Spiritual Awakening: Encounters signify a call to meditate, pray, and connect with your spirit guides, urging you toward a higher state of consciousness.
• Emotional Healing: They bring messages of hope, healing, and the need for forgiveness, encouraging you to let go and surrender to peace.
• Universal Truths and Love: Reflect on the eternal bonds of love and unity, reminding you to express gratitude and rejoice in your spiritual journey.
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Like energy attracts like energy so this is me trying to be positive.  Like energy attracts like energy so this is me trying to be honest.  Like energy attracts like energy so this is me trying to be real.  This is me pushing through fear again, and again and again.  This is me hoping that I might be a light in the darkness and an inspiration to those who need.

After watching Falling in Love in Niagra, I was inspired to go back someday, to Niagra Falls, hopefully soon.  I know, this was a Hallmark Movie, not great art, but it spoke to my heart.  Not just about love and romance and destiny, but about fear, facing your fears, overcoming your fears.  It reminded me that I AM brave.  It reminded me to keep being brave.  I want to zipline over the falls.  I want to tour the gardens and the vineyards.  I want to taste the cheese.  I want to ride the Ferris wheel all the way to the top. "Pushing through fear is the greatest feeling in the world." - Mike from the movie.

My return from Acadia and Niagra Falls, and Boston and Woodstock and Richmond, MI, marks for me the beginning of the next steps on my path forward.  "A Journey Begins the Moment You Decide to Do It", February 1 entry from The Vagabond's Way.  I am ready to explore new heights.  I am ready to write more of my story.  I am ready to admit that my life is like a movie if I want it to be.  It's all things are possible.  It's butterflies and rainbows and if I just don't give up, it's sunshine and unicorns too!  

And I'm not in this movie alone.  I meet new characters every day.  And YOU, you are invited to become part of the cast.  You can play whatever role you wish.  And I hope you'll bring the black dog.  

• Forgiveness and Love: Black dogs in our dreams remind us of the power of forgiveness, the strength it takes to let go of past hurts, and the love required to move forward.
• Unity and Compassion symbolize our connection to all living beings, urging us to show compassion and nurture the bonds that unite us.

"To this day, I believe that all life-affecting journeys and the unexpected wonders they promise, become real the moment you decide they will happen." 

- Rolf Potts - The Vagabond's Way

Anticipating the journey is part of the journey.  I ask you, "Where are we going to go?"  Someplace beautiful?  Somewhere forward?  Someplace new?  Yes, I Am.   So, farewell summer, we are dreaming of the fall.  We are drifting into sweater weather and pumpkin spice, and it is simply delicious!