Sweater Weather

The Fall Equinox is almost upon us, the weather is changing, and things are getting really weird in our world.  I woke up with the song Sweater Weather by the Neighbourhood in my head yesterday morning.  Haven't heard it in a long time.  Not sure where that suggestive memory came from.  Watched the videos of that song yesterday morning.  They are weird too, haunting, but the song is very sexy, IMO.

And as for me, I've been sliding down the social media rabbit hole some more these days.  I'm getting into making reels and YouTube shorts, but I have a LOT to learn.  My plan for now is to just have fun. Yes.  Experiment.  Make use of all the video footage that I shot over the past month traveling and hopefully post some inspiring, interesting, imaginative content that people will find and like.  I've got 191 views on my first YouTube Short I posted 3 days ago! 

So that's it.  That's my plan.  Just do my best, as my grandma used to say, and just be me, that's what I say.  People will like my stuff, or they won't.  That's about the whole of it.  Now onto my next big aha.

This whole hustle culture sucks and is largely full of shit.  I keep bouncing back and forth with trying to build and market something and just leaving it all behind for life on the road.  I think there is a balancing point to be found in all this exploration, but as for me, as for now, my plan is the same.  Do the work.  Have fun.  That and remember to relax a little bit.  

Now that I am back in North Carolina, the joy and freedoms of life on the road are set aside.  Things are a little more, well, less relaxing.  I certainly feel less free, but maybe that's just a prison of my own choosing.  Mindset is everything and I am making the most of the opportunities I have before me.  It's just the way it is.  It's life.  And it goes on.  Thankfully, but I am planning my next move.  I'm doing the work.  It's just slow.  And time is moving on.

Although, the Autumn Equinox is just around the corner and if astrology has anything to do with anything, things could flip at any moment.  Like the Wheel of Fortune, you know.  It's been showing up frequently in my readings the past few days.  In the Tarot, this is the card of destiny, of fated endings and new fated beginnings.  It could happen to you...isn't there a movie out there somewhere with this title?  For the record, I do play the lottery, occasionally.  

The slowness, the coolness, reminds me of a friend I had, this guy friend.  We lost touch but I still feel very connected to him, especially around this time of year.  And here we go again, dear reader.  My apologies in advance.  I don't know if he's you or you are him but I kind of hope you are or you know him so you can get a message to him, from me.

If you've been following my blog, you know that I sometimes wake up with songs in my head, like I did yesterday.  You know that I watch Steve's Love Tarot, and I read my own tarot cards.  It's kind of been my way of praying, of talking with the higher powers if you will.  It's been my way of connecting with Spirit and my Higher Self and my guides, like the angels and other interdimensional beings that I can feel but have yet to experience "face to face".  One of these, beings I believe to be my friend's Higher Self, and on a higher level, it feels like we are so much more than friends.  But here, we don't even communicate.  It's weird.  It's sad.  But it, He, has helped me grow tremendously either way, anyway, and I am grateful.

I've pulled cards on my connection with this guy since I started reading tarot, a couple of years now, but as all tarot readers know, reading cards for yourself can be tricky, it can be full of biases, it can be dangerous.  If done incorrectly, you can just be flat out wrong and simply picking up on your own wishes and desires to manifest what you want to be true.  If left unchecked, it can really mess things up.

At one point the cards I pulled were so full of love and promises of divine connections and union and reunions.  It warmed my heart.  But lately the cards have been very swordsy, full of endings and nightmares, lies and secrecy.  They have been dark, revealing signs of doubt and self-sabotage and being left out in the cold.  If this is him, I really hate to think that he is hurting this much.  I hate to imagine that life is difficult or painful or worse yet, meaningless.  It is not.  But that is for him to decide.  

Although I feel like we are connected, it's his journey.  What's his is his.  I may feel it, sense it, understand it, but it is not mine.  It is his life.  It is his soul.  His freedom.  His prison.  His choice.

All along I thought I was extending hands and waving white flags, offering hope and olive branches.  But maybe my messages are not getting through to him.  I am glad you are here to witness my trying.  I hope what I share has benefited you in some way as well.  

I have no regrets, and I will keep writing and posting content here, albeit of a different nature perhaps, but hopefully valuable, inspiring and entertaining all the same.  What I hope helps you, definitely helps me.

My connection with this guy has helped me grow so far beyond what I could have without him, if only the ghost of him.  It has helped me become stronger, braver, better and more accountable.  He has helped me be freer, more alive, more enlightened...as have YOU!  Thank you!

I was really hoping, someday, that I could share my gratitude with him.  That old wounds would be healed, and old wrongs would be forgiven, that a new (star)t would be possible, in this place, on this plane, below the regions of our Higher Selves, however simple or complex that would be.  

And I don't regret the delays, the silence, the dark.  It has made me a better writer.  It has made me committed to something greater than myself.  It has made me a better woman.  It has made me a better version of me.  For maybe the first time in my life, I am committed to myself.  Thank you.

And as I prattle on, I send my apologies.  If you are not him, I am sorry.  I DO appreciate you being here, I do, I was just really, really hoping to find him again.  The messages I have to send today are for him.  I don't know where to send them.  I don't know how to reach him.  So, for now I send my energies into the ethers.  Through the interconnected web of all things, I have only this message that I hope he can hear...YOU are valued, YOU are seen, YOU are cared about, YOU are forgiven, YOU are not alone.  YOU are LOVED more than you can EVER imagine.  It is SAFE to come in from the cold.  It is SAFE to love.  It is SAFE to be happy.  It is SAFE to be YOU.

This world may look like it is going to hell in a handbasket, and tomorrow it just might look worse.  It's all hitting close to home right now.  

The second assassin who attempted to take Trump's life has ties to Greensboro.  He has ties to St. Louis.  Like I said, hitting close to home.  That's creepy.

The roads I took to get to Ocracoke Island for my birthday beach trip are washed out and closed down.  Other roads in the area are crumbling and washing away.  It's raining here, non-stop cloudy.  Our Govenor has declared North Carolina to be in a state of emergency.  I'm glad I didn't hesitate.  I'm glad I took my memorable trip when I did, even though I got soaked.  It was a blessed christening into my world of travels.  I savor every minute of the experience.

Walden Pond is under threat of development.  The peaceful park and oasis in the city of Boston could be gone in a flash too.  I'm grateful I experienced that piece of history while I could.  It makes me wonder, is nothing sacred?  The answer: "No, it is Not."  All that is sacred must die.  Or let me say it this way, "All that is FALSLEY held sacred must die."  That is why our world is in chaos.  That is why roads are crumbling and systems are falling down.  Economies are dying and people and cultures too.  Humanity is at a crossroads.  The world is at a tipping point, literally some might say.  Have you heard of the concept of pole shifts?

But I will keep writing, whatever the world brings, as long as I can, for you, for him and for myself.  You are sacred.  I am sacred.  We are sacred.  We are venerable.  We ARE.