Time to Hit the Road Again

Do I or don't I believe that "the Universe has got my back"?  I've said it here before.  I've said that's what I believe?  But is that really what I believe?  Is that really how I roll?  Am I really that sure?  Am I really that trusting?  

I'm feeling a little bit uncertain about the importance of my "journey", now that things took the turn that they did last week.  My seeking seems so insignificant.  I hate to act like I am the victim of anything in anyway simply because my plans "had to change".  I am not a victim, and I actually feel extremely blessed to have been able to spend the last several days with my son and my grandchildren.  Hardly a punishment from an angry god.

If I practice my own philosophy and take my own medicine, I know very well that "life happens when you are making other plans".  And I absolutely remember spouting off something about "being spontaneous and allowing the best adventures by going with the flow".  I'm paraphrasing.  And I hate equating a baby's death to "going with the flow".  That seems gross.

Now is a moment of truth, for me, to figure out what I really believe.  (Again).  I keep using those words, truth.  Believe . Do I really understand what those words mean?  Do my truths align?  Can my beliefs coexist?  I'm not going to pretend that I know.  I don't.  I guess that's what I'm getting back on the trail to think about.

It's been a week since I showed up in Illinois at my home base away from home base, full of excitement and anticipation for the second leg of my August Adventure.  I should have been in Maine by now, chasing the northern lights, but I am still here, in Illinois.  

At least my bug bites aren't itching as much.  I'm a little bit hesitant to get back out in the field, so to speak.  I'm tired of poison ivy and mosquitos and chiggers.  I'm also tired of shuffling around all of my shit.  In and out.  Up and down.  Everything is out of it's place and in a new and better(?) place.  I thought it was a better place when I moved it.  Now I just don't know where anything is.  Ugh!

I think I want to head south at some point.  Florida.  Texas.  And the Southeast if possible.  Arizona.  Sometime.  Definitely.  But Sunday morning, very early in the morning, I will head North and East.  I'm getting back to the plan.  Still heading to Acadia for some camping if only for a couple of nights.  The rest of the journey I still just don't know.  

I want to see Niagara Falls.  I want to see the northern lights...if possible.  I wasn't planning on a "fall" adventure when I left North Carolina two weeks ago, but it seems like I will be tasting a bit of early autumn in the north east.  I'm taking some steps to prepare accordingly.  And I am taking some steps to simplify and make car camping much more accessible should the weather make that necessary.

But enough about the weather...we could sit and talk about that, or we could get down to what's really important... Steve's Love Tarot... don't ya know.  It's about the feedback loop and revisiting the past and how do you actually move forward when you can't ever really see the freaking road?  It's scary.  It takes trust.  It takes living what I profess to believe.  It takes living in the present moment, the NOW moments.  It takes embracing the minutes, the days and the hours of the unknown, the unexpected, the new, the simple, the subtle and the sublime...if you can get there. 

Here's to trying.  Here's to keeping the faith.  Here's to loving myself enough to get back on the road and drive... destination unknown... again.