A Final Thought Experiment

"Love is fed by the imagination, by which we become wiser than we know, better than we feel, nobler than we are: by which we can see Life as a whole: by which, and by which alone, we can understand others in their real as in their ideal relations." - Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

"Self-compassion not only helps us be better parents and caregivers, it also enhances our love and sex lives.  When we let go of egotistic striving - ending our obsession with evaluating ourselves positively - our love and desire for others only intensifies.  By embracing life as it is, allowing the life force to flow through us freely, our passion can reach new and wonderful heights." - Kristen Neff- Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself 

I start marriage counseling today.  It took me 20 years and 8 months to get here.  I owe it to myself to show up.  Fully.  It's my pathway to real freedom.  I'm going to take it.  I'll see where it goes.  To truth.

You owe it to yourself too.  Show up. Do what it takes. Meet yourself wherever you are.  Stop chasing.  Stop running. Go be free. Live your truth. Unapologetically.

It's all easier said than done, but we can do it.  I know we can do it.  Just don't quit.  When it gets hard, don't quit.  Keep showing up, for yourself.  For the ripple effect.  It is easier said than done.  It is easier said than done.  It is easier said than done.

I am accountable for all my own actions.  No stones unturned.  So are we all. No secrets. No lies. This is how I come to fully love myself. This is how I get a little more free.

I've made a lot of questionable choices in my life.  I've made my proverbial bed so many times.  I live with the consequences.  I accept.

How can I ever help others?  I will never be perfect.  Better? Maybe. Ever enough? I just don't know.  

Fifty-eight years.  I'm tired.  I am very tired.  It definitely feels like 1000, and like time is folding in on itself.  All of those 1058 years all converging into a single point in space and time and it's all going to explode.  Experiment that.

What a world, what a world.  What a ride, what a ride.  And I would probably do it all over again.  Indeed I did. I'm tired. I'm going to explode. Or implode? I'm not sure which direction I am going.

Death.  Rebirth.  And do it all over again...I guess that's what I believe. Why I believe it, I still don't know. But this is it, the end of the line for this adventure. It has been a good one. Thank you.

Good bye.